It has been forever and a day....

Since I have posted a new blog.
A little 411 on Eli....is has been sick the past week and a half and man on man has it been a struggle and a half plus a side of heartache and heartbreak.
He has been so whiny, fussy, grumpy, and attached at my hips.
I am thankful for Alex so much during these times.
It's the small things...like getting a shower to yourself...
or getting to go tan and relax for 12 minutes.
I love my little kiddo though, it just gets tiring when you have a child all to yourself 24/7.
This is when I really admire my best friend...(basically a single mother, Macey.)
She IS a mother 24/7. Not by choice. Her baby daddy scammed on her. He sees his child every other week and he's a piece of shit in my book. He bailed on my best friend and his child. So she is my hero. She works. She has her own place. She pays for diapers alone. She pays for her bills, alone. She is strong, bold, and a WONDERFUL mother. Oh, and like some other shitty mothers, she know how to put her child first.

Back to my week....Eli has been soo so sick. We were at the ER last Friday night, and then again last Saturday evening.....both times we really found no answers to my sons unexplained high fever. They ran tests both times and gave me answers that both felt long. I am still concerned but not so sure we can afford a third emergency room bill. I already dread the other two that will be in the mail any day now...

Besides Eli, Alex now found out that there will be NO MORE unemployment checks for him. Kentucky simply stopped their extra benefits they were giving....all of a sudden.
Need I say more? There goes our summer vacation we have been planning for months.
You know...the one were I didn't want to leave my son for a week...the one where we were going to go somewhere alone, as a couple, as a married couple....on a honeymoon.
Yep.
That will be put off another year or few.
It sucks. Okay, okay....so many other people in this would have it way worse so I should quit bitching and such it up and realize it won't be the end of my world. I have an awesome husband that provides for us and a beautiful (handsome) son that I would do anything for....so why why why am I so upset?
I think, secretly, I wanted that time with my husband. I wanted precious time away where we got to reignite and hold hands and become gitty and smile and kiss and make love in our suite. (We are married so don't even judge me!) Haha! :)
Looks like we will be doing these things alone, at home, being parents, NOT on a beach.
Grant it, I am going to be "butt hurt" (a term my Kentucky-native husband shared with me) about this one for a while.
And to make matters worst we are living in a terribly expensive apartment that we just had to renew a contract with and it's $750 a month to live here....plus bills. Plus food, gas to school (for both my husband and myself) plus everything our toddler needs, plus a cat. Can we say $$$? Ugh.
This blog is only about me bitching I suppose. I am just upset. I feel I have every right to be. So going on...our contract doesn't end here at this apartment complex until October, over five months from now.
And we had to re-sign it because we were going to have no where else to go.
Blah.

The list could keep going.
Damn....I wanted to go to the beach this summer.
I AM BUMMED.
AND....
more than anything...
I want my child to be healed, feel much better, and STAY WELL.

Okay.
Now I need to thank God.
I need to be thankful for everything I have.
I am thankful for everything and everyone I have in my life.
My family.
My husband.
My son.
My mother.
My father.
My brothers.
My second family.
My best friends.
My good/close friends.
My artistic ability.
My home/roof over my head.
My car.
My insurance being paid for.
My cell phone being paid for.
My bills being paid for, ^ all covered by my loving husband.
My ability/privilege to get to go to school.
My gas being paid for.
The guidance I am offered,
Free childcare.
My intuition and ambition.
My comfy bed.
My internet.
My own computer.
My heart.
My lungs.
My brain.
The food that feeds my family nearly three meals a day.
The kitchen table that sets my family down for an evening meal, almost every night.
The beds that allow my family a full night of rest.
The clothes in my closet.
The shoes upon my feel.
The pictures for my memories.
The water that supplies my family everything from baths, clean clothes and dishes, to meals and relieving thirst.
I am thankful for bottled water.
I am thankful for doctors and medicine.
I am thankful for my freedom.
I am thankful for my faith and religion.
I am thankful to be a believer in God.
I am thankful for forgiveness.
I am thankful for MY Father.
I am thankful his son gave his life for you and me.
I am thankful for everything good I have going for me.
Amen.